My so-called Luck

Ein Blog, der all den kleinen inspirierenden Dingen des Lebens gewidmet ist.

Tag: relationships

An Audio-Novela: Be My Match!

The German audio drama series Be My Match tells the story of the way to live and love as a single in Berlin. There’s online dating, the pressure to finish a PhD, shared apartments – and the sound of the big city. The unique feature of this audio experience is that all background sounds are real: The story was not produced in a studio but at the original scenes – in the streets of Berlin or in one its many cafés.

The topic of the drama series is simple: A radio presenter (Jan) is forced by his boss to do an online dating experiment where he only dates girls that doesn’t fit to him at all. That’s how he meets Sophie. In the beginning both can’t stand each other but then thy start to date on a weekly basis nonetheless…

It may be a simple story line but I listened to the first episode and was hooked. There are lots of moments where I am reminded on my (former) self or my palls in Berlin. Hilarious! …And then there’s one more thing that resonates with me: My own online dating experiment resulted actually in a relationship.

I wish you a fun weekend – have an entertaining one :)!

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Modern Romance by Aziz Ansari!

Actor and comedian Aziz Ansari’s book Modern Romance is all about love and relationships in a time of tinder dates, breaking up via WhatsApp or snooping into the mobile history of your partner.

Together with the sociologist and New York University professor Eric Klinenberg he explores the change in romantic behaviour that has occurred in the past decade. His main focus lays onto the paradox of the idea that having more options of possible partners seems to be better, but ultimately makes it a lot harder to settle for anyone.

I listened to the audio version of the book.  Aziz Ansari is narrating it himself – and makes fun of his listeners because they are too lazy to read it :). His ideas were easy to follow and I recognized many of the described behaviours. …Either from my own experiences or from those of my friends. An entertaining read/listening that stimulates lots of further discussions.

I wish you a fun weekend – have a lovely one :)!

Like always: All credits appear after clicking the links. If you are interested in putting ads on My so-called Luck feel free to email me for details.

Short Film: Young Hearts by Acapulco!

“We met at a retirement home. I saw her, grabbed a business card from my pocket and slammed it on her table. That same night, she rang suggesting we should go on a date.” Hans

Hans (79) & Edith (76), Ellen (84) & Horst (77), Ralf & Kristin (both 73) – three couples with two things in common: They are in love with each other and with dancing. Every Monday, they attend a senior’s disco in Berlin Steglitz and prove that love and the lust for life are never-ending. This heart-warming short film is made by film duo Acapulco (aka Nadine Schrader and Julia Wilczok) and has one simple lesson: It doesn’t matter, if you are 18 or 81 – Love is all.

I wish you a wonderful weekend. Have a lovely one :)!

Like always: All credits appear after clicking the links. If you are interested in putting ads on My so-called Luck feel free to email me for details.

Some Men Are More Perfect Than Others by Merly Shain!

book copyPic by Franzi.

It took a while to finally get a copy of Some Men Are More Perfect Than Others by Merle Shain into my hands (I finally imported one from the U.S.). I once saw it on a website and was instantly hooked by its title, the content and the raving reviews: It’s ‘a book about men, and hence about women, and love and dreams.’ Merle Shain’s narrates her personal view on relationships/marriages (she wrote it in the 1970’s, where a marriage was still the status-quo). Back then the Canadian author was already divorced and experienced both sides of the story. I loved her writing and all those clever insights …that during the 1970s and 1980s were surely revolutionary!

On Romantic Love:

Day to day contact has a way of causing the intensity of romantic love to dissipate and sometimes when you get the somebody you have yearned for, most of the magic vanishes with the pain. It’s easy to want what you don’t have, when you don’t have it, and hard not to want something else when you do, so the big love in a lot of lives is the one that got away.

On Love and Making Love:

Once we couldn’t speak of sex and now we can’t speak of love, and strangers go to bed together instead of shaking hands.

On Married Men and Other Women:

A mistress has magic on her side, it’s true, but no one really believes in magic, not even magicians themselves, and the wife has history on her side, and economics, and children and innocence, habit, inertia and self-respect. And many a man who wouldn’t stay for her will stay for the image of himself as a good person, for his sailboat and his books, and because it is usually easier to stay where you are and do nothing, except when you must do something, anything at all. In that case, the mistress is simply a means of escape – like a parachute – essential to the skydivers safety while airborne but extra baggage when on the ground. And many a woman who felt herself loved by a man when he had a wife finds she has less, not more, of him after he is free.

On More Married than Happy:

We want to be together all the time, so we lock ourselves away in the love nest and begin to sacrifice individuality for “the relationship,” personal friends for mutual friends, and evenings with the boys for nights in which both give up what they would like to do for activities neither really wants.

On Today and Tomorrow:

Perhaps the old view of “Me breadwinner, you hausfrau” worked for our grandparents, when people obligingly popped off before boring each other to death, but it won’t work any longer because we are living too long and divorce is needed today to do what death accomplished more economically before.

On Loss of Love:

Some say it is rejection itself that panics us and that it hasn’t a thing to do with how much the lover was valued. And that seems likely, as many of us have wept copious tears over someone we were planning to leave ourselves before they beat us to it.

Perhaps it is the loss of the dream of being loved and loving that matters more than the loss of the lover himself, and that is a loss of self. One can’t run in a park without a dog or make angels in the snow without a child and there are things one can’t do without a lover, so the loss of the lover is like an amputation and the patient goes into shock.

On when Marriage (aka a relationship) ends:

One of the fringe benefits of being handed back your life is being awarded custody of yourself. {…} When you are first on your own, it may not seem a lucky break, because it takes time to rediscover who you are (And when you are used to defining yourself as half of a couple, or as the wife of a particular man, it takes a while to get this clear.) Most women, when they first find themselves alone again, unconsciously wait for another man to define themselves around, remaking themselves a little for each one that comes along.

On Your Own:

Single women have more moonlit drives and weekends out of town, but they may often spend their birthdays on their own and sometimes when they want to see a movie they have to take themselves.

There are no perfect men of course, but some are more perfect than others, and we can use all of those we can get. It’s true that there are fewer reasons to marry than there were in our parent’s day, but the most important one remains the same. It is still awfully nice to have someone to curl around in the night.

I wish you a wonderful weekend. Have a perfect one :)!

Like always: All credits appear after clicking the links. If you are interested in putting ads on My so-called Luck feel free to email me for details.

The Problems Of Other Couples!

Sometimes I sit in a coffee shop and observe other people, imagining their lifes. Are they happy, are they sad, what makes them lucky, what problems do they have? This is fun … and also gives you a new perspective on your own life: It’s not ALWAYS happy-go-lucky (but quite often :)). The School of Life made a video, interviewing couples about their problems … it’s like a glimpse into otherwise locked relationship-worlds. Interesting, crazy, inspiring and though-provoking (e. g. “Wow, even the happiest looking couples do have their troubles.”).

I wish you a wonderful weekend (without any problems)!

Like always: All credits appear after clicking the links. If you are interested in putting ads on My so-called Luck feel free to email me for details.

About Soul Mates…

soul matesPic by Franzi. Quote taken from Elizabeth Gilbert’s Eat Pray Love.

It’s Saturday night 11.35 p.m. and I will finally write about soul mates. I started to write about this topic already several times now, and then I realized how difficult it is not to sound cheesy and I decided to write about other things first and give myself a bit more time of procrastination. Until tonight…

Do you believe in soul mates? I certainly do. Not because I’m an esoteric kind of girl – I only believe in soul mates because I know mine. And what do you expect when you finally are lucky enough to meet your soul mate? Yes indeed, the one sentence that comes into ones mind as answer to this question is, “And they lived happily ever after.”. But let’s be honest tonight. Soul mates are not strictly a catalyst to pure happiness. And I am very sure my own soul mate is not gonna like the next sentence: We met and it was hell, then we both only survived because there were years we just went on with our lives knowing the other part was there but always being cautious to keep a security distance between us, and finally we somehow found an arrangement to go on with each other – at least at a certain level. That’s what soul mates really are. They turn your world upside-down, you don’t know what is happening and in the end nothing is like it was before. And you are asking yourself the whole time: “Why the f*** did I meet this person at all?”. The answer is simple and hard – the soul mate shows you the essence of yourself, you will learn everything about your weaknesses (and sometimes about your strengths) – you will learn things about yourself you never thought would be there. You will grow and turn out as a person who has already fought one of the hardest fights ever. You will be you.

Today I’m happy that I have met him. I don’t regret anything. Nowadays we are something close to friendship and are happy with both of our lives. In the past few years I often thought about the possibility that there might be even more than one soul mate out there for all of us. Maybe the Illusion was one – I grew up a lot during the time with him in my life. One never knows…

I had a lot of conversations about this topic during the last years. The one wonderful occasion I remember the most is when I met the friend of a friend last summer at a BBQ the first time ever.

Me: “Hi, I’m Franzi.”

S.: “Hi, I know – you’re the one who believes in soul mates. Me too.”

At this time point S. and her soul mate already decided that a live apart was the better solution than to be together. I seldom heard someone speak with more sympathy and empathy about another person than S. when she spoke about her soul mate. And isn’t it nice to know that wherever you will be and whatever you will do there always will be someone out there who understands you and feels with you? I don’t believe something like this would last for very long if you would spent your everyday life together. Something like this is only possible with your soul mate, who is hopefully somewhere near you – but hopefully not too near you.

I wish you all a wonderful new week – with all the people who bring you further!

Dedicated to the one who certainly knows all the stuff I wrote about above.

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Mr. Curiosity or High Expectations…

Right now, I’m eating tons of licorice… and wonder why my life is always crazy. I know, I would be bored otherwise, but today it’s not the first time I’m thinking that it’s enough for a lifetime. A few hours ago, a dear friend told me that I have an entertaining factor because of all the stories I’m experincing daily and I’m sure it’s nice to be seen as a person who is uncommon. Thus, I take this as a compliment. Nevertheless, I think someone should overtake my position as drama magnet for a while. I’m quite exhausted and need a break from chaos. So please, can everyone be just boring normal and act like expected… only for a few weeks? It would be really nice to sit together with a group of girls and to drink, talk and laugh without the mention of some guy, who just turned the world of one of us upside-down again (which, me excluded, happened three times this week alone).

May the root of our problems be the high expectations we have on the male population in general? Are MY expectations too high?…

I don’t need to be happy 24/7. I don’t ask for Mr. Perfect(ion).  I don’t ask for someone who get’s my point always immediately. And please, I don’t need someone without any story of himself or someone who hasn’t any life or problems of his own. Actually, I don’t know how my match should be, but I know I need someone, who…

Takes me as I am…. yes, even if I’m not interested in soccer, but have 50 unread books on my to-do list and am always mentally involved with either music or art or writing or save the planet or humanity stuff.

Accepts differences. It should be okay to act sometimes in a way that the other person wasn’t expecting.

Tells me if he has a problem with me/us/our relationship/ a certain situation. More or less immediately, cause that’s the moment to deal with it.

Is brave enough to go into a discussion with me. It’s not hard to convince me of a certain position, but I always need to be allowed to express my own point of view.

Knows  me well enough to understand that I’m a person who will never give up when she thinks a person is worth it.

Credits the beautiful moments together. Those are the times one has to enjoy and to relax into. Nothing more.

For C. It’s complicated. But no matter how the future will look like, we need a good talk. Trust me. You’re worth it.

Like always: All credits appear after clicking the links.

Real-Life Projects Pt.3: Love Ever After by Lauren Fleishman

After my grandfather’s death, I found a series of love letters that he had written to my grandmother in a book next to his bed. They had been married for more than 50 years. This project is intended as a photographic series of “love letters.” The dominant portraiture of my series consists of New York couples who have been together for more than 50 years. This work includes photographs, voice recordings and text.

Lauren Fleishman

Oh dear, I LOVE this project. Love Ever After by Lauren Fleishman is a real-life project based on a simple idea. It’s about love, it tells big stories, it is wonderful photography of people who are authentic. Gorgeous! I have nothing more to say. Besides… have fun digging into the worlds of the couples presented on Lauren Fleishman’s website!

Like always: All credits appear after clicking the links.

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